My First Post

Hello all. I have decided to begin writing a satirical web log that pokes fun at some of the over-the-top practices of orthodox Judaism. The blog shall be entirely in the spirit of good-natured humour and free of any resentment, latent or otherwise. I hope to model it after such satirical bastions as The Onion and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Figuring that most of us have precious little do with our time anyway, we may as well unite in laughter. Anyway, I hope that this finds you with nothing but an open-mind and a willingness to put your big fat tongue in your big fat cheek.

Kiddush Club v. Sleeping In

Authorities in authoritative positions at authoritative places have recently documented a five-fold increase in the amount of kiddush club associations within orthodox synagogues. Many analysts attribute this unprecedented rise in alcohol and herring consumption to a similar decrease in the attendance of single women at such synagogues.

When asked to comment, Rabbi Hershel Fishschnitzel said, “our male youth has always had a preference to socialize with their female counterparts. Now that women have all but neglected their obligation to come to shul and socialize, however, men are forced to soicialize with their own sex over such classical foodstuff as matyas herring and egg kichel.”

Another male observer optimistically noted that, “I usually don’t wake up before 10:15 on Saturday mornings, but now that my shul has a kiddush club, I think I’ll start to get up a little bit earlier so as to negotiate an ideal position in front of the Chivas.”

Renewed Mussar Drive Results in Record High Seforim Store Revenue

Amidst a backdrop of widespread shiurim, high levels of disposable income and simple peer pressure, seforim stores in the wider Brooklyn, NY area are experiencing record sales volume of seforim and other books that will inevitably collect dust in closed-door bookshelves.

Most experts are attributing this spectacular demand for seforim to a much-praised revitalization of the mussar movement. Some even suggest that we may be entering a new era where sales of classical halacha seforim such as the mishnah berura may be trumped by more modern mussar books as “How to Dress not to Impress” and “The Complete Idiots Guide to Davening in Public Places, Like an Airplane, and not be Noticed.”

A seforim store representative from Shmeichlers noted that, “we are having difficulty keeping up with the soaring demand for pocket mussar books such as “How to Keep Your Friends Close and Your Rebbeim Closer.”

Yeshivishometer

For this past week in Yeshivish, it seems that the seemingly ubiquitous “Grada” has been ousted from his throne to be replaced by “Punct,” a word that has long managed to escape the Yeshivish radar. With the expected heat wave coming, however, “Shvits” is widely agreed to have the most staying power.

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3 Responses to “My First Post”

  1. Rabbi Hugh De Wiener Says:

    I must say your writing is punct fakeir geshmaka awesome

  2. G6 Says:

    Cute…. good luck with the new blogging endeavor.

  3. fakejewishnews Says:

    Thanks!

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